Mort, a printer and a new deputy sheriff
by yami4eva91
Summary: A malfunctioning printer and a new deputy sheriff. What is Mort going to do? THE SEQUEL IS ON THE WAY!


Disclaimer: Nup, I don't own Secret Window or the name Mr Pissant from the movie Corky Romano ;)

A/N: Hello there peoples! This is just a random fic that I had stuck in my head while I was trying to update my other fics (they will be updated soon!) and when my printer didn't want to work. (stupid printer)On with the weird random thingies!

Warning: Mort may get a wee bit grumpy with his printer and there is slight Sheriff Dave bashing in this chapter… I don't like his sewing. (If Dave calls it something else I'm sorry I'll just call it sewing) and the characters may be a little OOC other than that it's fine… I think.

* * *

Mort grinned, a psychotic-evil grin showing his braces. He had just finished his latest story, he saved what he had written and clicked on the print button… nothing happened… he clicked on it again and again, his grin fading as an evil, nasty printer-killing look came onto his face. He got up and got up and went to stand over the printer, his eye twitching. _Just one teeny weeny nudge won't hurt it; just make it work… yeah. _Mort raised his fist ready to strike the malfunctioning bit of machinery, when the door opened._

* * *

Earlier that day…_

"Where's the form?" asked the secretary of the sheriff's department, he handed her the form with his details on it. She snorted with laughter as she read his name "Piss-ant?" she dissolved into hysterical high pitched laughter, Mr Pissant cleared his throat and she stopped as suddenly as she had started.

He was beginning to regret being sent here for deputy sheriff already. "Actually its pronounced pi-sont…..it's French"

"Yeah… right… ok, sit in that chair while I sit here and do work… yeah work…"

Mr Pissant sat down and watched the secretary file her nails. 10 minutes later, the sheriff came in and Mr pissant was still watching the secretary file the same nail that she had been doing when he had sat down (strangely enough it wasn't getting any smaller)

The sheriff sat down and grinned at Mr Pissant, not knowing what else to do because he didn't recognise the man. "What can I do for you?" he asked, picking up his sewing.

"Erm, I'm the replacement officer." He said, giving a strange glance to the sewing that the sheriff didn't take notice of.

"Oh… yeah you're the guy replacing Murphy… poor Murphy…" the sheriff trailed off, shaking his head.

"So" Mr Pissant said, after an awkward silence "is there anything I can do?"

"Oh… well… uh you could check up on Mr Rainey for me, but-watch-out-he's-a-suspected-psycho-murderer."

"What? I didn't quite catch that last bit"

"Oh, nothing, here's his address and try-not-to-get-killed" Dave said quickly, handing him a piece of paper.

"What was that?"

"Never-mind, go on now, to-your-doom"

After a moment's hesitation, the overly-nervous young man hopped into the patrol car and headed down the road to Mort's place.

_

* * *

Present time…_

Mr Pissant opened the front door of the cabin, stepped in and saw Mort with his fist raised and a murderous gleam in his eyes.

Mort lowered his fist when he saw the wide-eyed, geeky-looking guy in a police officer's uniform standing just inside the door.

"Er… hi, who are you and what are you doing in my house?"

"I'm-the-new-deputy-sheriff" he answered with a squeak.

Mort's face bore a confused look "The who what the?"

Mr Pissant straightened up, looking slightly braver. "Deputy Sheriff Pissant" he answered in an important tone.

Mort raised his eyebrows as he started to grin "Say that again for me please?"

"Deputy Sheriff Pissant?"

Mort's grin grew wider showing his braces and making Mr Pissant even more scared of the author, his

look of terrorfaded when Mort fell to the floor laughing.

* * *

A/N: Well... yeah. Sorry for any spelling mistakes my computer doesn't want to spell-check today. Comments? NO FLAMES i am sad and have no more chocolate at the moment. Please review and tell me what you think, If i should continue or not and all that jazz :P 


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